Finally threw something new up, though it's a little past the season for it. Life continues to be consumed with other things, none of which bring me pleasure anymore. I go through the motions of the day, but I'm not here. The emptiness and silence is deafening.

I know nobody reads this. That sounds very "emo" of me, and that's not who I usually am, and I'm resenting that right now...resenting the fact that I feel this way. Resenting what's been going on. Resenting that I've lost so much. Resenting the fact that I allowed myself to be put in a position where I had so much to lose.

I'm trying so hard. It just feels like nothing matters at this point.

How. Why. Two huge questions that will never be answered. Never can be answered.

I open my mouth to scream and nothing comes out. I want to cry and the tears burn behind my eyes. I want to stop crying and instead I drown. Betrayed. Hurt. Used. Alone. Never again.